Tuesday, June 19, 2007

who's to blame?

Who's to blame for a garden overgrown? Should I blame the rain? God? The weeds? Lack of help? Why is it that if anything goes awry, I have to find someone or something to shoulder the blame? Why is it so hard to blame me? I was lazy. I didn't make time to weed. I didn't figure out a way to get mulch. All the hard work of starting the plants indoors in the cold of winter is crowded out to make way for the jungle-like weeds that leave the food plants stretching desperately for sunshine. Really, i have never seen cabbage grow such tall leaves, trying in vain to outgrow the horsetails and thistles that surround them.

So what's a gal to do, when her garden fails, just the same as it does every year? Shall I tell myself it'll be better next year, when the same thing will probably happen next year? Does optimism have any worth without planning. Action taken is worth more than 1000 lists of things to do and great intentions. How do I figure out what I should let slide? Shall I pray for God to give me clones? I have 6 little hands who could help with work. The children could help, but for some reason I don't let them. I guess I am too proud. Each year I think i can do it on my own. I can keep up with a large garden, 4 children, and a house to clean. I keep telling myself, "Next year you will be super mom."

Who is this super mom ideal and who gave her life? Where did I get the idea that I have to do it all? Why is it so hard to ask for help, and to delegate work? Does it really all come down to the simplest, silliest worry? Is it possible that fear of rejection or resistance is what keeps me stubbornly pushing my way along through the waist high mud of life when I could be on the high road? I have to allow myself to give up worry about the plans swirling in my head and filling the lines on the yellow legal pads. I am sure that it is possible to have a decent garden. That's why I am so headstrong. I have faith that I can do better. Maybe I'll just plow down these tall plants and remind myself of the lesson learned. Worry gets nothing done. Actions, no matter how small, are what will help me arrive at my goal. Maybe by the time I'm 99 I'll have it down. For now I'll take it one weed at a time.

No comments:

Post a Comment

I love it when people comment! Thanks for taking the time to do so!