Isn't that how it is in the relationships we choose? Sometimes we're surprised at how different we are from our spouse or best friend. There are areas we may just clash. Sometimes I can be hard on my husband about his intense work drive, but it is that intense work drive that drew me to him. It also inspires me to be more driven and goal oriented in the work I do. I used to wonder at myself as a child, that I chose friends who could be so matter of fact and sometimes harsh. I think it's because I craved balance for my people pleasing tendencies and admired their leadership. In the same way, I would think that my husband was drawn to my artistic and creative tendencies, which I know contrast his computer programmer's mind. When we are in relationship with a person who is "harder" than us in some ways, it refines those areas we have that are a little rough. We are forced to grow or learn. It is a clumsy dance, this polishing, but when drawn upon in thoughtful ways, it helps us to become who we are meant to be.
The above photo came from this site, in case you would like to read about rock polishing. :) http://i.ehow.co.uk/images/a07/57/cd/easy-rock-polishing-800X800.jpg