On my thirty-third birthday, we were in Makaha Valley, where I grew up. Just as the sun was rising, I went walking alone and barefoot, the red dirt under my feet. I remember trying to imagine what I might look like in my thirties. We used to watch the show "Who's the Boss" and I thought I might look a little like Angela Bower, the mom on the show. I thought I'd have some sort of busy career and be the typical working mother.
|Angela Bower. Nope, I don't think I look much like her.Maybe it's just the tall hair and giant glasses.|
Today, I am able to talk and discover with my children and husband every day about history, languages, cultures and how modern society works. The things we learn always seem to open a new understanding in our minds, leading to further questions and discoveries. In school, my favorite part of English class was the essays. I loved how they forced me to analyze what I had read or learned. This is what writing does for me today. It allows me to look at my life and the world around me: to condense it into words, to try to understand its meaning, its joys and its hurts.
And art is of course a part of my life today, in my photography, spinning, felting, but also in the snowflakes Saraiah makes, the careful things Maia decorates, the things Eva crochets, the Lego animation Isaac does, the songs on Levi's lips and the computer code running like the Matrix in Brandon's mind. I think the need to create is in our DNA. We're always trying to emulate the beauty and complexity of God's creation, even if it's through words, carpentry, cooking or number crunching. To facilitate the messy and important work of creation is probably one of my most important tasks as a mother and spouse. It can help us to get to know God through our moments of deepest passion, interest and frustration because when we are helpless, we can only beg Him for some insight. When we are pleased at a moment of triumph, we can remember when He said, "It is good."
So the actual factual me at 33 is good, I think. I'm not the nebulous idea, but flesh and blood. I'm experience and wrinkles, mistakes made and lessons learned. I'm attached by the heart to six people I didn't know just 14 years ago. I'm old suffering and new life. I'm hope and curiosity, frustration and kindness. I'm a wife, a mother, a friend, and a girl after God's heart.
|This was taken by Brandon at the Honolulu Zoo. I love it.|