Tuesday, June 12, 2012
I like my rut!
There are those seasons in your life where it feels like you're a broody hen and everyone is doing their darndest to get you off of that nest. They dunk you in ice water, they lock you out of the coop, they put ice cubes in fake eggs beneath you, but still you return. You begin to wonder whether you're really supposed to be sitting on that nest. That's how I feel lately.
There have been major changes in both my church and in the kids' homeschool co-op program that have made it pretty challenging for my family to continue to participate. I like my rut. When I find something that's comfortable and really works well for my family, it's hard for me to change.
There's no choice when things are changing around you, and you begin to wonder whether you're really where you're meant to be. Am I supposed to be at a different church? Maybe my husband would attend more if we went elsewhere. Maybe my kids would be more involved in youth group or other extracurricular church activities. What if the best place to nurture our spiritual growth is a place I'd never even consider going? Like a mega church?
Are we supposed to move on to a different resource for homeschooling, or is it time to put the older kids in the public schools? Can I even pull off full time homeschooling? These are important and hard questions, and I fear I really won't ever know the answer. The hardest thing about these changes is that I've found a cozy little nest of a place in each of these places: I have dear friends who are like sisters and extra mothers to both me and my children. The kids don't know any other church or school situation and have grown up alongside the friends they have at these places. How do you find a new family?
How do you release your kids at one of the most awkward times in their lives into a system they've only known in part? What is the best way to teach my children about the pressures of the big wide world without leaving them completely vulnerable to them? How do I give my children the education that I desire for them when there is only one of me, five of them, and at least 4 major course areas that need to be covered? I realize that homeschooling and public school each have their drawbacks, but which drawbacks do I choose? Which benefits are the most crucial at this point in their lives?
These are the questions that have been plaguing my mind over the past few months and I can't find the answers. I've prayed. I've talked to countless people. Sometimes I think you don't ever really know what's right, and you just have to choose something. I don't know if my broody time has passed. How do you know when it's time to get off the nest? I certainly can't wait for an egg to explode!